Just jumping off this comment chain to provide some perspective as an autistic/ADHD person about what transitioning is like for me and why it can be so stressful, as well as what strategies tend to help make it easier c: As always, usual caveats apply: no two autistic people are the same, my experience is not universal, etc. If it helps or is relevant, awesome; if not, feel free to disregard c:

A lot of autistic people, like me, I tend to get completely immersed in whatever I'm doing. My focus is like building a house of cards balancing ideas, feelings, thoughts, concepts, sensory input, etc. I've figured out the right ways to balance the cards & even interchange them so intuitively that the process has become automatic and I'm just immersed in building and manipulating the card house into all sorts of different layouts and architectures.

Being told to drop whatever I'm doing is like somebody opening the door directly into the card house of my brain. If done gently & if I planned for it, this will only destroy some small detail like a deck; if the door is thrust open quickly and/or I didn't plan for interruption, the entire structure will collapse. Even someone knocking politely outside the door can throw me off balance, which might make my hand slip bring the house down myself. This disorientation and stress will happen even if it's an interruption to go do something I normally enjoy & have been looking forward to (but it is definitely harder to recover from if it's for something I don't want to do).

If the collapse is bad, it's definitely enough to trigger a meltdown, especially if I'm overwhelmed, tired, or have other unmet needs. And sometimes, I don't process the extent of the collapse immediately -- especially for very bad collapses, there's a feeling of numbness and shock before very suddenly understanding the extent of the disruption and getting overwhelmed by it. Generally, a bad collapse is going to require a bit of a mourning & recovery period; for kids especially, it helps to have someone who can help them learn how to sit with, acknowledge, and process those big emotions.

So, to summarize, learning to transitioning well is in equal parts learning how to plan the card house to minimize damage when somebody *does* inevitably interrupt, and asking people who interrupt you to be mindful of your mental card house when trying to get your attention/cooperation. It won't stop the collapses, but it does help to make them more manageable and easier to rebuild.

> “ok one more jump then time for the bus!” He jumps his last time, and then gets on the bus without further protesting (or flat out ignoring my request).

>  I'd say "ok, 20 more pushes". And as he got older, I'd ask him that in the form of a question and if he agreed, and would wait for him to say yes.

These are *perfect*, and I use this sort of strategy a lot with myself -- I call it "define a stopping point". Having the person who is requesting that I transition give/or prompt me for a guided "off-ramp" before the transition is *so* helpful -- 20 more swing pushes, 1 more puddle jump, finish typing this sentence, sew to the end of this seam, etc. It helps me gather up my thoughts, tie them off neatly, and gradually help me surface from my immersion instead of being suddenly yanked out of it. Something measurable/quantifiable & directly related to the activity tends to be the most successful.

Timers/countdowns can 100% be useful but can also exacerbate transition stress. Because I don't have a very good sense of the passing of time (a common ADHD symptom called "time blindness"), when I'm immersed in something and someone gives me a 5 minute warning, I've completely forgotten about it 5minutes later, so the transition is exactly as jarring as it would have been without the timer. Countdowns are better because I don't forget them the way I do timers, but can increase anxiety because it puts time pressure on being able to pick a stopping point and get to it before being forced to exit.

In my experience timers/countdowns work best for structured activities where the activity's stopping time is agreed upon *before* the activity starts, and if the time is easily accessible throughout the activity (e.g., visual timers or 15+10+5+1 minute warnings + 60s countdown); "picking a stopping point" is best for unstructured activities or when ending times are flexible or ill-defined.